the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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