you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Randomize
