throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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