Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
so much tequila, so little girl.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
