Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
My orgasm happened in two different decades
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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