No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I am midnight drunk by noon
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize