oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
