Umm I'm too high to move.
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize