He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
