girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
