i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
