U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I just cut my nipple shaving
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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