Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
