At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
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