pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
