how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
