Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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