this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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