U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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