I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
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