Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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