smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Randomize
