so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
She tied me up with her honor cords...
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
