I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
