im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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