How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize
