She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
