I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
