making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I wish you could order shots online.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize