direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
