Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
