Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
