Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
