I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
