How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
