This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize