I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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