I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize