You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Every concussion has its silver lining
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
