I could have mohawked her pubes.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
God, I missed his penis.
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