This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
