fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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