hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
