walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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