We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize