Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize