thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
