I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
