I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
