something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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