Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
