I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Just pee around me
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
