Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Randomize
