Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
