Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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