If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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