Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
