That's intense
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
