If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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