I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
