sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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