I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
