the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
