Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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