he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
