I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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