He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
