a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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