she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
My vagina is officially offended.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
