I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
